The 66^th Annual Golden Globe Awards are here and I would rather be watching The World Is Not Enough on Citytv. Instead I am sitting through two hours of actors and actresses oozing out of Oscar de la Renta and talking about how blessed they are to be in Hollywood .

So, I better get blogging, because apparently Eva Longoria has already been "showing her boobs to the entire world," according to my co-editor, Chris Jancelewicz. Without further ado, here is AOL's blog of the Golden Globe Awards (CTV-type), with important interjections by my co-editor, Chris J, and my ever-present hobbit of a boyfriend, Chris.

Pre-Awards

You know what would make watching this show better? A snuggie.For some reason I was told the pre-awards show was at 7 pm but I tuned in when it was halfway done. Luckily, only the D-listers were there already, like Lisa Rinna and Rumer Willis.

So, basically Ryan Seacrest asked what everyone was wearing and the highlights were: Evan Rachel Wood looking like a cross between a statue and dead; Anna Paquin looking perfect in a dress that was virtually spray painted on; Drew Barrymore's hair being a bit too much; Everyone saying they are blessed to be where they are while I vomit up my chicken dinner; Kyra Sedgwick stealing the entire red carpet with her blood red dress; Angelina Jolie emerging from her car like she had just been resurrected from some tomb somewhere; Ryan Seacrest embarrassingly denied by Brangelina; Megan Fox calling herself a "tranny," saying she has no self-esteem and coveting Salma Hayek's boobs.

The Golden Globes

8:00 PM Jennifer Lopez is presenting first and looks like a Golden Globe herself. Not in a good way. She seems to have adopted the role of awards camp counsellor: "Everyone having a good time?"

8:01 The stars in the audience are talking amongst themselves and Queen J-Lois getting irritated. "Hello! Mama talkin'!" She actually said that.Who does she think she is? Oprah?

8:02 Best Supporting Actress is up and the description of the roles is cracking me up. Viola Davis in Doubt: "As the mother of a son who may have been abused but may have not." Bahahaha! Ew, Kate Winslet won even though Revolutionary Road was rubbish. Why is she crying? Everyone knows she really wants the Oscar.But I guess this is an Academy Awards prognosticator.

8:04 *Picks lint off shirt*

8:06 Colin Farrell looks like a heroin addict. He's laughing at Sting's new look – in a nice way, though; I wouldn't have – brown hair and a scraggly beard? Chris J: "What happened to him?"

8:07 Chris: "He looks like an ewok."

8:08 Bruce Springsteen won Best Song for The Wrestler.He got a sweet hug from wax figure Mickey Rourke (who was breathtaking in the film.) In other news, Bruce Springsteen hasn't aged since Born in the USA .

8:09 "This is the only time I'll be in competition with Clint Eastwood and it feels pretty good." And...Springsteen's walking off stage the wrong way.

8:14 Rumer Willis is introduced as Miss Golden Globe. Demi and Ashton just gave her a cute-as-kittens "Way to go!"

8:15 Supporting Actor in a TV Series. Tom Wilkinson is gorgeous! Go WILKY! YAY! He looks very surprised. His wife gave him a big smooch. I want to give him a big smooch too! PAUL GIAMATTI'S MUTTON CHOPS! BEST FACIAL HAIR OF THE NIGHT!

8:17 Supporting Actress in a TV Series. Laura Dern! She deserves to win in everything she does. David Lynch thinks so too. She is a tall lady, I guess that's what you get when you're Bruce Dern's kid. Apparently she was Miss Golden Globe in 1982.

8:25 Don Cheadle is so....bald.

Chris: "Is he wearing a plastic tie?"

He is, actually. It's striped and hideous.

8:25 Cheadle: "The Coen Bros., who incidentally have never hired me"....he just called Brad Pitt dumb. Hee! Oh, because of Burn After Reading .

8:26 The salsa music to introduce Latino actress Eva Mendes is so cheesy.

8:27 This Latino head guy is talking like a mannequin. I think he may be on crack.

8:28 Zac Efron has pubescent Quebecois boy moustache hair.

8:29 Best Actor in a TV series. Go Dexter! Not Jon Hamm again! Hugh Laurie is so tan. Jonathan Rhys Meyers looks drug-addled, as usual. Gabriel Byrne won, weird.

8:30 Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are walking like they have something up their bums. Best Actress in a TV Series. Go Anna Paquin! (She's not so great in True Blood but I'm in love with her anyway.)

8:31 WOOHOO! Anna Paquin won and looks spicy! She didn't know how to get to the podium so Leonardo DiCaprio pointed out the way.

Chris: "Of course he knows the way." I wonder if she'll cry like when she won that Oscar for The Piano. Stephen Moyer is....smouldering.


8:36 Ricky Gervais! With horrible facial hair and holding a glass of water,inexplicably. Everyone's up and walking around after the break.Gervais: "How rude are you lot! Just 'cause you're film stars." He is talking to Kate Winslet from the stage: "I told you to do a holocaust movie! The worst thing about holocaust movies is they don't have gag reels!" Erm, Revolutionary Road wasn't about the holocaust. Still funny though.

8:39 The Jonas Brothers reading right. off. the. prompter.

8:40 WALL-E won Best Animated Film! Hurrah! That movie was so cuted out!

8:41 Chris J: "Aw! Geekfest 2009"

8:42 Johnny Depp is presenting! He looks like he did during 21 Jump Street! Everyone freaked out when his name came up, like even big Hollywood types! Hah! No one's immune. Christ, he's beautiful.

8:43 Best Actress in a Film. Meryl Streep looks embarrassed about being nominated for Mamma Mia! Sally Hawkins. Sally Hawkins won for Happy-Go-Lucky! Yes! She looks so surprised. She shouldn't. She was luminous.

8:44 Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep and Robert Downey Jr. all congratulated her.Hollywood here she comes. She's so adorable. She's crying. She congratulated Emma Thompson who asked if she wanted help on stage since she's freaking out. Sweet. No one's music-ing her off because she's so lovely even when she's just accepting an award.

8:51 Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange are acting like demented lovers. I think Lange may just be nervous and needs some support.

8:54 Golden Globe for Best Mini-Series: John Adams.

8:56 Chris: "Look at Tom Hanks! He's walking like an old man."

8:57 Best Supporting Actor. Robert Downey Jr. should win. I don't get why he wasn't up for Iron Man for Best Actor. Heath Ledger will probably win.

8:58 Heath won, of course. Everyone is standing up, of course. Chris Nolan is going up to accept the award. They're showing a clip of Ledger's work "in case he won this award." Nolan: "After Heath died you saw a hole ripped in the future of cinema."

9:00 Kate Winslet looks like she's crying.

9:05 Ron Howard just flashed on screen and Chris screamed.

Chris: "Is he ill?"

9:06 I'm sorry, but Colin Farrell is doing it for me tonight. His chewing gum is a bit too anti-establishment though.

9:07 Colin Farrell just sniffled and said the best thing ever: "I've still got acold – it's not the other thing it used to be." He used to have a bit of a drug problem for those of you out of the know.

9:08 Maggie Gyllenhaal looks like a relic from the 80s. She's wearing a blue leopard print nightmare of a dress with a huge puffy flower on the shoulder.

9:10 Best Actress in a Mini-Series. Shirley MacLaine better not win, she's a total witch. Hurrah! Laura Linney won for John Adams. Karma, Shirley.

9:12 Sometimes I think Linney would be the perfect mother. She seems really put together and bright.

9:17 In Bruges is up for Best Movie and it should seriously win something. It's all about the dialogue, totally underrated and hilarious. Colin Farrell is also completely grand in it, as is Brendan Gleeson.

9:18 WOAH! Seth Rogen looks amazing. I read that he felt like a dork for losing weight like all the Hollywood-ers who suddenly look hot when they get famous. You can see his neck. Best Screenplay. Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Presenters Rogen and Elizabeth Banks both said it like they totally called it before hand.

9:20 Brad Pitt just asked what Slumdog Millionaire won for, Chris thinks. He read his lips, apparently. Danny Boyle apparently didn't want to read the script originally because it was about Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

9:21 Best Actor in a TV Series. Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock.

9:22 Chris: "Thank God Alec Baldwin won an award! He's like one of those babies who would cry if he didn't win."

9:23 Heh, Baldwin says he feels old because he brought Rumer Willis juice boxes on set.

9:28 Renee Zellweger looks horrible. Seriously. The overly-teased hair, the transparent top. She's like an alien.

9:30 Best Actor in a Mini-Series. Paul Giamatti for John Adams! Everyone cheered! I bet it's because he should have been winning everything since Safe Men. Wilkinson got him smoking again on the show, apparently.

9:33 Ew. Jennifer Lopez's husband is stroking her in a creepy greasy way.

9:34 Best TV Series. 30 Rock won. It always wins. I hate that show without ever having seen it.

9:42 Mamma Mia! Looks like it could possibly be the worst movie ever made.

9:43 Chris J: "I could never ever ever ever sit through that." And he sits through Project Runway every season.

9:44 Best Original Score. Yawn. Slumdog Millionaire for some bhangra business.

9:46 Best Actress in a TV Series. I think Debra Messing is pretty great in The Starter Wife. Tina Fey won again. Over it.

9:50 OK, so it was kinda cute that she said her award is for all her internet haters out there. To them, she says: "You can suck it!"

9:54 Cecil B. De Mille Award for Steven Spielberg. Marty Scorsese presenting. Montage. Kill me now. Why is this so long...it's been,like, 8 minutes of footage. That's a million years in TV time.

10:05 I should really be listening to this but Spielberg is talking about trains getting him into film. I think he's trying to tell us he had tough times in his career. For some reason, I'm not buying.

10:13 Is Emma Thompson massive or is Dustin Hoffman mighty small? They are delivering their lines really oddly.

10:14 Chris J: "Are they drunk?"

10:15 Best Director. Danny Boyle for Slumdog Millionaire! Everyone called that. It is well directed though. I still think Happy-Go-Lucky is the better film though.

10:16 For once Sigourney Weaver is wearing an understated dress and she looks amazing. Her skin is perfect.

10:18 Best Actor in a Movie. Brendan Gleeson! Lovely! Durr, James Franco isn't here for me to look at. Colin Farrell won! Weird. He looks surprised. He was great in In Bruges though.

10:20 "They must have done the counting in Florida ." I thought that was funny, no one laughed even though it was better than most other jokes tonight.

10:26 Salma Hayek looks caliente.

10:28 Sacha Baron Cohen is on about the economy and what it's doing to everyone. "Charlie Sheen has had to have sex without paying for it.Madonna has had to get rid of one of her assistants: Our thoughts go out to you, Guy Ritchie." People are shaking their heads and NOT laughing at that. Madonna really does own Hollywood .

10:30 Vicky Christina Barcelona won Best Film. Very unexpected.

10:36 Two of the cast of Slumdog are introducing their film.

Chris: "He reads better English than most of the American actors."

10:37 Cameron Diaz is really ditzy. Mark Wahlberg looks like he wants to punch everyone.

10:38 Best Actress in a Movie. Weird, Kate Winslet won for Revolutionary Road.She's yelling: "Oh my God!" Probably because the Golden Globe website said two days ago that Anne Hathaway would win. Winslet can't breathe.She's freaking out. She's giving me an anxiety attack. She forgot Angelina Jolie when shouting out to the other nominees. Awesome. Why didn't she freak out the first time? This is hurting my feelings. She keeps saying: "Gather." But she isn't doing it. She's had the same agents since she was 15, oddly.

10:42 Chris J: "I'm just glad it's not Anne."

10:43 Rainn Wilson : "Hey, we're TV actors!" Hee. Blake Lively is wearing what looks like a prom dress. Best TV Series Drama.

10:44 Mad Men. Again. Durr, I like True Blood. Mad Men is like 30 Rock for the drama category.

10:50 Best Actor in a Movie. Mickey Rourke can't stop wearing horrible blingy accessories. Mickey Rourke won for The Wrestler! Yay! He deserves it. And Sean Penn is a jerk. Rourke hugged Leo. Evan Rachel Wood and Marisa Tomei are going ape. He's wearing one of those key chains. There's something hideously sexy about him. "Thank you, baby," he said to some gal in the audience. "I'm not a very good public speaker and I was kind of hoping Robert Downey would talk for me." He's calling Darren a "cat." "I don't wanna forget nobody." He's thanking his dogs, how cute.